Post climate change Summer Olympic events

• Sauna cycling
• Climate change denier decathlon (make them run till they drop)
• Heat wave high-jumping
• Swimming in sweat
• Bad ass butt-blistering badminton
• Empty pool concrete crawl
• Track and burnt to a crisp fields
• Diving into melted marshmallows
• Hop, skip, and puddle jump
• Arid aerobics
• Hot as hell hammer throw
• Molten lava shot put (can you say hot potato?)
• Blistering baseball
• Torrid tennis
• Fiery flame fencing
• Hot foot gymnastics
• Desert doom marathon
• Asphalt egg-frying
• Perspiration polo
• Dead tree trunk lifting
• Bermuda short boxing
• Water bottle relay
• Mirage javelin  and discus throw
• Greenhouse gym-gastics
• Wrestling with guilt (everyone qualifies)

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An epidemic whose cure cannot “weight”

According to a recent article in Live Science which was summarized in the National Center for Bicycling and Walking’s online publication, Centerlines, humanity is 17 million tons overweight. That is the equivalent to 34,000,000,000 pounds or another 242 million people!

Sadly, but not surprisingly, the United States is the most overweight nation on the planet. With all our fast food, fried food, super-sized sodas, lack of exercise, and over all couch-potato attitudes, we deserve to be at the top of the heap.  The research shows that while North America accounts for just six percent of the world’s population, but 34 percent of its human body mass due to obesity. that is a very sorry statistic.

Here are the lists of the top ten heaviest and lightest nations on the planet. It is noteworthy that half of the top 10 heaviest nation are located in the Middle East, while all ten of the lightest nations are from Asia or Africa. It should also be pointed out that for several of the nations included on the lightest 10 list, the opposite problem from obesity is occurring - instead of too much food (or calories) being consumed, they have too little, which is leading to risks associated with starvation.

Heaviest 10 (for nations with more than 100,000 people):

1. United States
2. Kuwait
3. Croatia
4. Qatar
5. Egypt
6. United Arab Emirates
7. Trinidad and Tobago
8. Argentina
9. Greece
10. Bahrain

Lightest 10:

1. North Korea
2. Cambodia
3. Burundi
4. Nepal
5. Democratic Republic of the Congo
6. Bangladesh
7. Sri Lanka
8. Ethiopia
9. Vietnam
10. Eritrea

The research was detailed online Sunday (June 17) in the journal BMC Public Health.

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Wasting money on superfluous shit

In these tough times of school funding crises, budget cuts, and program elimination, one local elementary school went the extra mile to improve education. they installed a digital changing message sign on the outside wall of the facility. Are you freakin’ kidding me?

Who cares if the money came from the Parent-Teacher Organization (PTO), the use of those funds for such a frivolous device is patently offensive. In my opinion it should have been used to provide meals to less fortunate children, provide pay raises for underpaid staff, or used to buy books and other “educational materials.” And why did they install this ridiculous electronic toy?

Because so many parents drive their kids to school, it was a way to communicate upcoming events and notices to them. Say what? Anyone ever heard of handouts or fliers?

Not only was money (approx. $10,000) wasted on silly signage instead of true education, but gasoline continues to be guzzled in an inefficient manner and kids are being chauffeured to school instead of walking/biking/or riding the bus, creating twice-daily mini-gridlock outside of the school building. There’s logic for you. NOT!

Personally, I would have preferred them use the money to develop a Safe Routes to School program that would lessen the need for chauffeuring, improve health and fitness,  and teach the children about environmental sustainability and stewardship.

What is the educational benefit in this sign? As far as I can see, there is none, other than to tell the kids that their education is secondary to “superfluous shit” t0 make their particular elementary school more “elite” than its counterparts in the district.  Wow – there’s a lesson plan that could be tossed in the landfill of stupid ideas.

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The world’s most boring sport

Consider this an early warning to all current and future parents. Unless want to be driven to complete and utter boredom, make sure you do not sign your kids up for….Tee Ball (or T-Ball). Oh my goodness, if there was ever a remedy for sleeplessness, this sport is it. This game is probably the worst introductory activity or goodwill ambassador for a sport ever invented. If baseball ever wanted to self-destruct and disappear from the planet, it made great progress with the invention of T-Ball. If coaches are wondering why so many kids play lacrosse or soccer instead of baseball/softball anymore, they might want to look the dull foundation the sport is built upon.

All three of my sons played T-Ball when they were young, but at times I thought they could have learned more watching a test pattern on TV or the grass grow in winter. I will grant that the sport may help those children who are shy develop better social skills and the basics of teamwork, but that could be accomplished with some other group activity that has more “fun” associated with it.

Since when is it teaching a child a new sport when you give them as many as 20 missed swings at the ball sitting on a post without the umpire ever declaring that they have struck out? And on top of that, they are still allowed to run the bases as if they had achieved a base hit. While the lack of “action” can be tedious for the parents, it has to be worse for the kids as they stand in the field under a hot summer sun waiting for someone to actually hit the ball.

From my unscientific observations, not only does this sport quickly turn the parents in to blank, mind-numbing, zombies, but it appears to teach the our kids precious little…except perhaps how to survive through incredible boredom. Frankly, our children grow up so incredibly fast, I feel there are many more rewarding family activities that could be found than playing T-Ball.

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A night of triumph and tragedy

Greater Lansing experienced two very opposite emotions in the world of bicycling last night. On the triumphant side, the Lansing City Council voted 7-1 to adopt the city’s new bike parking ordinance.  This approval is another big victory in making all of Greater Lansing more bicycle friendly. Congratulations to everyone involved in getting this ordinance passed and thank you to the Council members who voted for it.

However, the local celebrations were tempered as it was learned that a 24-year-old bicyclist from suburban Perry, Michigan was killed later last evening along Bath Road.  Details about the accident are sketchy at this point. How very sad and tragic –  condolences to the victim, as well as their family and friends. Please pause and take a moment today to remember the victim.

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A tale of two stores

For the most part, I will let the following two photographs do the talking. The first picture is from a local Meijer’s store. The second is from the local Kroger store. Both have recently completed major remodeling and renovation projects. From the photos, it is rather obvious that one store cares more about exercise, fitness, good public health, and alternative transportation options. The other…well, I will leave that determination to you. As they say, “a picture is worth a thousand words.”

Bicycle parking at Meijer

Bicycle parking at Kroger

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Counterintuitive retailing

For the past couple of years, I have been attempting to get the local Kohl’s department store to install a few bicycle racks for customers and employees who prefer active transportation. To date I have been unsuccessful. However, in the ultimate irony, the store installed two cigarette disposal containers instead. Is that really their intent – to tacitly support an unhealthy habit instead of promoting fitness, exercise, and good health? I doubt it, but their actions speak differently.

Sadly, Kohl’s is not alone. One can walk into numerous area businesses and see the same unfortunate priority. Even three national retailers who sell bicycles here, Dick’s Sporting Goods, Wal-Mart, and Toys R Us, do not even have bicycle parking at their stores. That is plain ridiculous. It seems counterintuitive to long-term customer health and their own long-term business prosperity.

It is long past time that our society places greater emphasis on good health, fitness, and exercise and stops giving even tacit support to unhealthy habits that cost all of us dearly. Please note, these thoughts are coming from a former cigarette smoker – me. For businesses, promoting healthy activities reduces their insurance costs, sick time, and employee absence. Those benefits themselves strongly outweigh the costs of installing a simple bicycle rack or two. The sooner our society starts to get its collective priorities in order, the sooner our nation’s general health and welfare will begin to improve.

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Ten banes of a recreational bicyclist

This blog post is a follow-up to my previously one on the ten banes of a bicycle commuter post, but from the viewpoint of a recreational bicyclist. It was so popular, that I thought I would prepare a sequel – if Hollywood can do it, so can I. Just wait for the prequel – Ten Banes of a Tricycle Rider. : )

Since I am not a BMX or mountain biker, this list is from the point of view of a street or hybrid bike rider.

Here we go:

1. Lack of adequate bathroom facilities (particularly for #2 and for women) – this is more important the older you get.
2. Road shoulders that are missing, in disrepair, gravelly, or crumbled.
3. Dogs
4. Loose and uncompacted surfaces
5. Stupid and/or nasty drivers
6. Lack of directional signage
7. Flat tires
8. Vehicles that kick up stones
9. Unmaintained/rutted trails
10. Other trail users, including cyclists that wander aimlessly from side to side on the trail.

Please feel free to submit your banes as well and we will compare notes.

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Ten banes of a bicycle commuter

These are presented in my order of annoyance. Please feel free to pass yours along. It might be fun to compare notes.

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1. Headwinds – Why does it always seem that I am riding into the stupid wind? Aeolus must not like urban planners who bike commute.

2. Stupid drivers – No, the crossing signal does not mean turn right and cross in front of me, you moron!

3. Ice – No explanation is necessary.

4. Cold, especially combined with a headwind

5. Uncleared trails/roads

6. Walkers/joggers wearing headphones – don’t act surprised I am passing you if you are wearing these.

7. Thunderstorms

8. Bugs in the face or helmet - got stung by a yellow jacket on top of my head once when it got stuck in my helmet.

9. High humidity

10. Unannounced construction projects

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So far (fingers crossed), in nearly five years of bike commuting I have not had an issue with dogs, but that would be high on the list if it did take place.

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May 16, 2012 – A rolling tribute to cyclists’ we’ve lost

Source: Greater Lansing Ride of Silence

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