GOP legislative “house’shit and ‘man’ure (NSFW)

I was totally disgusted yesterday by the puritanical and prudish actions of the male-dominated Michigan House leadership for silencing two female legislators. As the War on Women has been raging for nearly two years, Representative Lisa Brown (no relation) expressed satirical appreciation to all those legislators who were “concerned about her vagina.” She was silenced for that statement.

Representative Brown

Meanwhile, Representative Barb Byrum was silenced for protesting that she was not being allowed to speak on another bill. Once again those stalwarts of liberty and freedom proceeded to silence her as well. My, how Kabul on the Grand River is so delightfully charming and civil in June.

Representative Byrum

I don’t know about you folks, but the actions of these right-wing GOP (a.k.a. Grand Old Pricks) zealots in the Michigan House is getting out of hand.

I am also curious why these women were silenced when earlier this year Representative Rick Jones was not  for using the word “hooker” to describe a female public relations executive. Oops, I forgot. He’s a man, so stupid, idiotic, prudish, puritanical, asinine, and archaic rules written by other egotistical, etc. men do not apply to him.

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The preamble of the Constitution as it is applied in 2012

A small dose of reality is provided below as the plutocracy continue to shape this nation in their twisted and self-serving image.

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The preamble to the Constitution as originally adopted:

“We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”

The preamble of the Constitution as it is being applied today:

“We the rich people of the United States, in order to form a more profitable union, establish injustice, insure economic disparity, provide for our own self-defense, promote corporate welfare, and secure the blessings of privilege to ourselves and our own posteriors, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of Scamerica.”

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Assorted musings

• When someone says they are “fair to Midland,” does that mean things will get progressively better or worse beyond Midland, Texas or Midland, Michigan?
• Ever notice that owners of expensive cars tend to drive slower than the rest of us. Is that just so they can show off their wheels by making us have to stare at them longer?
• Why do people bag their dog’s droppings, but then leave the fouled plastic bag sitting in the grass next to the sidewalk? Pick it up, diptwad!
• Why do commercials come through the TV speakers louder than the regular shows and why can’t technology overcome that?
• Why is there no such thing as a none-growing variety of lawn grass that has been genetically engineered for those of us who are sick and tired of pushing a damn lawn mower?
• Why the heck are there no playoffs yet in Division 1 college football?
• Ever wonder why we park on a driveway and drive on a parkway?
• Why is it that people continually vote against their own best interests?
• Exactly why does anyone give a rip about the Kardashians?
• Why isn’t beer the national pastime?
• Does Tennessee realize what Arkansas?
• It is said that everything is bigger in Texas – as far as the mouths and egos of their politicians, they are exactly right.
• Is new math really better than old math? I would like to see the test results.
• Ever wonder why so many in Ohio worship a nut? (buckeye)

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If the three windbags (Limbaugh, Hannity, and Beck) ruled the earth

• I and whole lot of other people would move to another planet immediately.
• Cape Girardeau, Missouri would be named world capital.
• Women would be instantly second class citizens.
• Egotistical would be mandated as a positive trait.
• Facts and the truth would be more distorted than they already are by Fox Spews.
• Prescriptions would be no longer required.
• Phony acts and displays of patriotism would be required to prove you are a real ditto head.
• Conspiracy theories would be allowed as evidence in the courtroom.
• Guns would be issued with birth certificates to newborns.
• Taxes would be eliminated, but adoration fees will be imposed to fund their ever-expanding egos.
• The earth (and time) will start spinning in reverse.
• Oil would become the worldwide currency.
• There would be no such thing as moderate, left, liberal, progressive, or the like as they would be outlawed.
• Moron meters would become unnecessary since everything would be stupid.
• CBS would be renamed the Conservative Broadcast System; ABC the All Right Broadcasting Company; NBC the Neo-Nazi Broadcast Company; and PBS the Puritanical Broadcast Service.
• Human rights would only apply to those on the right.
• “Fend for yourself” would become the worldwide motto.
• Selfish would completely replace selfless.
• The planet would overheat within a month from all the hot air being spewed.

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Write in “none of the above” in the GOP primary

Tomorrow is primary day in Michigan. To this progressive, all of the GOP candidates are a very sorry lot. Mitt turned his back on his home state two years ago and needs to be resoundingly reminded of that fact. Santorum is just plain scary. If I were a woman, I would emigrate to Canada and fast, if he is elected. Newt is….well, Newt. He is way too full of himself and his smile always reminds me of the sneaky and snotty Cheshire cat from “Alice in Wonderland.” Lastly, Ron Paul. I simply cannot agree with (or comprehend) his ultra-libertarianism.

So, my biased suggestion would be to skip the primary altogether or write-in “none of the above.” Perhaps, if enough people do that, the GOP might wake up from its 19th century delusion. Yes, I know that is wishful thinking, but someone’s got to do it.

Q: How many GOP candidates does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: None, for they are still stuck in the Dark Ages.

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The sale of the century!

I stopped at a certain nationally known discount department whose logo looks remarkably like a red bullseye this evening to buy a top-off card for my Virgin Mobile smart phone account. When I got there, I simply could not believe my eyes. The $35 top off card was on sale for an incredibly low price of $34.99. I nearly wet my pants in joy. It took all my self-control to not purchase twenty cards so I could save 20 cents. At this rate, I might save $100 in two centuries.

Are you kidding me red bulls-eye retailer??? The store actually had a sale price tag on the Virgin Mobile cards highlighting a one cent sale price. Yes, that is one penny. If I had bought a piece of Bazooka bubble gum, then we would be talking about a great deal. The stupid sales price tag probably cost more than one cent to make.

Would someone please explain the logic (or illogic) of this? As a well indoctrinated consumer lemming, I bought the card, figuring I might as well get the deal of the century while I am there. By the way, with tax it came to $37.09.

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