If Eskies (American Eskimo dogs) ruled the world

I thought it might be a good time for a little fun on the old blogaroo. Have written these previously for Jack Russell Terriers, dachshunds, birds, cats, and rabbits. Figured it is time to decree what would happen if American Eskimo dogs (Eskies) ruled the planet. Here we go:

• Slobber would be the national appetizer – yum, yum.
• Flavored slobber would be hailed as the greatest invention of all time. Double yum,, yum.
• Spring, Summer, and Fall would be banned – Eskie scientists would be funded to research how to move the Earth’s orbit further out into the solar system in order to cool things down.
• Everyone would be required to learn how to smile like an Eskie.
• The definition of cool in all dictionaries would always show a picture of an Eskie next to it.
• Spinning circle spots must be designed into all buildings next to exits and doorways – if you own an Eskie you know what I am talking about.
• Bad moods would be outlawed – just grin and bear it.
• The Edmonton Eskimos would be the global team.
• All humans would be required to brush an Eskie at least once  a day.
• Pampering is only allowed if it is directed towards an Eskie.
• Humans would be sent to obedience training and taught to mind their manners when being led.
• The world capital would be moved to one or both of the poles.
• Dog treats replace money as the worldwide currency.
• Fur coats would be banded (as they already should be).
• All humans would be properly trained in pooper scooper etiquette – it’s our national doody!
• The energy crisis would be immediately solved by bottling Eskie energy.

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Adventures in new doggy daddyhood

Now that my adopted American Eskimo dog (Eskie) named Relay has been living with me for a few days, I thought I would list some heartwarming and humorous initial observations of his mannerisms.

• Relay’s boundless energy and love are quite inspiring – I just wish there was a way to bottle them.
• When there is snow on the ground, he moves forward with his nose plowing through the snow, clearing a path ahead and taking in every aroma the Earth has to offer.  ”Snowplow” would have been another good name for him.
• When it is really cold out (with or without windchill), it does not bother him in the least. In some ways it even seems to invigorate him with an added boost of Nordic energy.
• I love walking him after dark when there is less traffic and you can enjoy the sights and sounds of a mid-winter night. A very peaceful and enjoyable time to walk together.
• I cannot figure out why he easily notices every other human being or dog within intercontinental radar range, but never seems to noticed the deer crossing the road just a couple hundred yards ahead of us, even when I try to point them out.
• I am fairly certain my right arm is now two inches longer than the left.
• It is fascinating what he decides to (and not to) leave his scent mark upon.  So far, no scent marking on the fireplug, but he is now is King of every meager pile of snow within a mile of my apartment.
• Other dogs barking at him don’t bother him in the least, but those who don’t pay attention to him are briefly scolded by Relay for not doing so. Sort of a “hey, I’m here now, so take notice.”
• Wet, sloppy kisses are his forte.
• You definitely notice the difference between a 15 pound dog sitting on your lap and a 35-40 pound dog.
• Relay’s tiny white eyelashes that protect his eyes in cold, snowy weather are really, really fascinating. We cold-climate humans need to evolve more and get a pair of these – new cool and styling fashion statement.
• We will be walking nice and calmly, when all of a sudden it’s like someone announced a free dog food sale. Relay will take off for some unknown and unseen objective, which usually turns out to be a new place to leave his scent.
• I pity any rabbits, chipmunks, or squirrels who decide to stroll by the sliding glass door in my apartment. They are in for one rude awakening.
• When I get home, Relay enjoys bringing me a sock (or a single rolled pair of socks) – never chewed, just presented like a housewarming gift or trophy. It is very cute.
• I get a kick out of how he spins around in happy circles when we are preparing to go outside, though it makes it harder to put his leash on. But, it is an endearing quality that I would never want to change.
• Relay is so smart that I sometimes feel like I’m his pet.

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