- Random yapping would replace chatting or talking.
- “Aye chihuahua” would replace “hello, “hi,”" or “hola” as the official greeting.
- Snorting and sniffling would become socially acceptable – who needs tissues?
- Chihuahua, Mexico would be decreed as world capital.
- Taco Bell would use a chihuahua in all their commercials – oh wait, they already did that.
- Then..Taco Bell would be the world’s only official food provider.
- There would no longer be an energy shortage once we figure out how to bottle their perpetual motion.
- Both sock and toy tug-o-war would become an Olympic events and would be required in all physical education classes.
- Large dogs must bow and/or curtsy to all chihauhuas, while small dogs must salute. Disobedience will not be tolerated!
- Cinco de Mayo would be a worldwide holiday.
- All immigrants would be treated with respect (a welcome change).
- No item of furniture worth sitting and sleeping on would be allowed to be taller than the jumping ability of a chihuahua.
- Winter would be outlawed.
- Hairless would become a status symbol.
- Bulging eyes are decreed a sign of elegance, beauty, and genius.
- Montezuma’s revengewill be inflicted on all naysayer’s and nonconformist’s without mercy.
Posts Tagged ‘pets’
Those of you who have been reading Progressive Blogic for past several months know that I recently adopted an American Eskimo dog (Eskie), that I names Relay. He has been a wonderful blessing and is very enjoyable to have around (most of the time).
There one thing about Relay that confounds the daylights out of me. Somehow he knows or senses (within 5 minutes) when my cell phone alarm clock is about to go off in the morning and will jump on the bed and wake me.
I am fairly certain he was not born in Greenwich, England and no one has said his real name is Timex or Rolex, so I don’t quite know what to make of this knack he has of keeping time so accurately. Perhaps his bladder has a timer, or his stomach, but whatever it is, it’s amazingly accurate.
The only problem with his keen ability to sense my wake-up time is that it does not work on weekends or holidays. While I don’t mind being awakened at 6:15 a.m. instead of 6:20 am on my work days, I am not too thrilled about 6:15 am on Saturdays and Sundays when my goal is to sleep in as long as I can.
Here’s a weblink to another author’s story about the same topic.
I thought it might be a good time for a little fun on the old blogaroo. Have written these previously for Jack Russell Terriers, dachshunds, birds, cats, and rabbits. Figured it is time to decree what would happen if American Eskimo dogs (Eskies) ruled the planet. Here we go:
- Slobber would be the national appetizer – yum, yum.
- Flavored slobber would be hailed as the greatest invention of all time. Double yum,, yum.
- Spring, Summer, and Fall would be banned – Eskie scientists would be funded to research how to move the Earth’s orbit further out into the solar system in order to cool things down.
- Everyone would be required to learn how to smile like an Eskie.
- The definition of cool in all dictionaries would always show a picture of an Eskie next to it.
- Spinning circle spots must be designed into all buildings next to exits and doorways – if you own an Eskie you know what I am talking about.
- Bad moods would be outlawed – just grin and bear it.
- The Edmonton Eskimos would be the global team.
- All humans would be required to brush an Eskie at least once a day.
- Pampering is only allowed if it is directed towards an Eskie.
- Humans would be sent to obedience training and taught to mind their manners when being led.
- The world capital would be moved to one or both of the poles.
- Dog treats replace money as the worldwide currency.
- Fur coats would be banded (as they already should be).
- All humans would be properly trained in pooper scooper etiquette – it’s our national doody!
- The energy crisis would be immediately solved by bottling Eskie energy.
Relay and I took an early bird saunter this morning between 7 am and 8 am. This time period, along with just after dark in the evening are two of my favorite times to walk because of the stillness and quiet…only occasionally broken by a passing car.
As we strolled three miles around town, the subtle sights and sounds of a January dawn became more noticeable. The pinkish-purple sky as the sun rose over the horizon; the hoot of an owl in the piney woods just north of Bennett Woods school; the sound of our feet crunching in the snow; the fossilized footsteps of those who passed this way before us; and the sheer beauty of a midwinter morning all were captivating and reassuring.
Some may deride winter as bleak and foreboding. I find winter to be refreshing and renewing to my soul. It’s a time to be at peace with the world, to be spellbound by the little things, and to anticipate the subtle glories of each day ahead. Enjoy!
p.s. Next stop – pencil and paper to write a poem about this topic. : )
- Relay’s boundless energy and love are quite inspiring – I just wish there was a way to bottle them.
- When there is snow on the ground, he moves forward with his nose plowing through the snow, clearing a path ahead and taking in every aroma the Earth has to offer. ”Snowplow” would have been another good name for him.
- When it is really cold out (with or without windchill), it does not bother him in the least. In some ways it even seems to invigorate him with an added boost of Nordic energy.
- I love walking him after dark when there is less traffic and you can enjoy the sights and sounds of a mid-winter night. A very peaceful and enjoyable time to walk together.
- I cannot figure out why he easily notices every other human being or dog within intercontinental radar range, but never seems to noticed the deer crossing the road just a couple hundred yards ahead of us, even when I try to point them out.
- I am fairly certain my right arm is now two inches longer than the left.
- It is fascinating what he decides to (and not to) leave his scent mark upon. So far, no scent marking on the fireplug, but he is now is King of every meager pile of snow within a mile of my apartment.
- Other dogs barking at him don’t bother him in the least, but those who don’t pay attention to him are briefly scolded by Relay for not doing so. Sort of a “hey, I’m here now, so take notice.”
- Wet, sloppy kisses are his forte.
- You definitely notice the difference between a 15 pound dog sitting on your lap and a 35-40 pound dog.
- Relay’s tiny white eyelashes that protect his eyes in cold, snowy weather are really, really fascinating. We cold-climate humans need to evolve more and get a pair of these – new cool and styling fashion statement.
- We will be walking nice and calmly, when all of a sudden it’s like someone announced a free dog food sale. Relay will take off for some unknown and unseen objective, which usually turns out to be a new place to leave his scent.
- I pity any rabbits, chipmunks, or squirrels who decide to stroll by the sliding glass door in my apartment. They are in for one rude awakening.
- When I get home, Relay enjoys bringing me a sock (or a single rolled pair of socks) – never chewed, just presented like a housewarming gift or trophy. It is very cute.
- I get a kick out of how he spins around in happy circles when we are preparing to go outside, though it makes it harder to put his leash on. But, it is an endearing quality that I would never want to change.
- Relay is so smart that I sometimes feel like I’m his pet.
Yesterday (Jan. 14th), one of my sons and I drove several hours in and our of snow showers to Benton Harbor, Michigan to meet another car that was coming there from Munster, Indiana. The purpose of our trip to Benton Harbor was to pick up the beautiful American Eskimo dog (Eskie) that I was adopting from a family in Wisconsin. It was the culmination of a month or more of paperwork, scheduling, and travel preparation on the part of an amazing set of volunteers.
I had absolutely no idea how much hard work, time, and effort is put into animal (in this case dog) adoptions and rescues around the country. The volunteers (in this case from Eskie Rescuers United) are simply amazing. They will drive hundreds of miles to save one dog, foster care them in their home for weeks and sometimes months or years, and then transport them hundred of miles again to their new “fur-ever” home. That does not begin to include the paperwork, the interviews, the phone calls, the travel arrangements, the meet and greets, the weather forecasts, and a plethora of other details that must be worked out along the way.
Jokingly, I referred to the yesterday’s event as a car relay (four drivers and four states), but in reality the whole process is a heartfelt relay of love – the car relay was only the last step in a much larger process. Now, I have a handsome, fun, and loving four-year old Eskie living with me, who I have aptly named “Relay.” He is one of the sweetest dogs I have ever met and full of energy and love.
I would like to thank Karon of Eskie Rescuers United for shepherding me through the process, answering all of my questions, and for finding me a wonderful Eskie. I also want to thank Tiffany who came to interview me at my apartment and brought along her beautiful Eskie. Lastly, I want to thank Relay’s Wisconsin family for trusting and believing that I was the right person to adopt their dog. I know how hard of a decision it was for them and that they love him dearly and miss him greatly. He is a wonderful dog and you would be very, very proud of him.
Pet adoption and rescue organizations are located throughout the country. They can be found online, through your veterinarian, and/or through the humane society. Petfinder.com and adoptapet.com are both good locations to start your research.
If you adore pets, especially dogs and/or cats, you might consider becoming a volunteer as part of a pet adoption and rescue program. I have told Karon that I would like to do that for Eskie Rescuers United here in Michigan.
If driving as part of a relay team is not possible, consider a donation of your time or money to one of the many animal adoption and/or rescue organizations across the country. There are so many beautiful animals out there in need of a new “fur-ever” home and so many people who want to share their love. It’s all a matter of matching the right animal with the right home and then bringing them together.
If cats ruled the planet:
- Everything would be purrrrrfect.
- Sandboxes would be required every 100 feet.
- There would be no national bird symbols – as they have all been devoured.
- All sports teams must be called Cats, Wildcats, Pumas, Cougars, Bengals, Cheetahs, Jaguars, Lions, Tigers, Catamounts, Leopards. Snow Leopards, Mountain Lions, or Panthers. No whimpy bird names are allowed.
- The Meow Mix theme song would be the worldwide anthem and will be played purrpetually. No other song may be played – ever!
- Tweety Bird would be public enemy number 1; Jerry and Mighty Mouse numbers 2 and 3; Pixie and Dixie numbers 4 and 5.
- Twitter would be renamed “Putty-tats” and tweets would become cat-a-logues.
- Humans and dogs would exist solely to serve cats.
- Catalonia would be the official site of the world capital.
- There would be no disasters, only catastrophes.
- The three national sports would be hairball spitting, catnip swatting, and mouse dissection.
- Sleep would be the daily and nightly pastime.
- Children would receive presents at Christmas from Santa Claws.
- Monuments would be erected in each major city honoring Top Cat, Mr. Jinx, Tom, Sylvester, Snagglepuss, Felix, and the correct half of Cat-Dog.
- The term “dead cat bounce” would be outlawed and changed to “overpaid moron on Wall Street bounce.”
- The “Stray cat strut” would be the worldwide dance.
- Ignoring others, smugness, and an aloof attitude will be compulsory subjects in school.
- Declawing shall be outlawed – they make it easier to get our point across to our, oh so loyal, subjects. This mean YOU!
Begging etiquette would be taught in school.
Among the pollutants that can be washed into lakes, ponds, wetlands, and streams during a storm event, pet waste is one that all pet owners can and should address on a regular basis. According to the EPA:
“Leaving pet waste on the ground increases public health risks by allowing harmful bacteria or organic material to wash into the storm drain and eventually into local waterbodies.”
The following list identifies just three of the diseases that can be spread by pet waste:
- Campylobacteriosis- a bacterial infection that causes diarrhea in humans.
- Salmonellosis- the most common bacterial infection transmitted to humans from animals. Symptoms include fever, muscle aches, headache, vomiting, and diarrhea.
- Toxocarisis- roundworms transmitted from animals to humans. Symptoms include vision loss, rash, fever, or cough.
The proper methods for disposal of pet waste are to either flush it, bury it, or where allowed by local laws, trash it. This weblink to great brochure from the University of Wisconsin Extension Service summarizes the harmful effects that waste generated by pets can have on local water bodies and provides useful guidelines on how to handle your pet’s waste.
Many local, state, and national parks now have pet waste disposal centers which provide plastic bags and receptacles for when you are away from home. As a courtesy to others, please use these facilities when they are available and always be sure to carry small plastic bags or a scooper when you walk your pet around the neighborhood. More than once I have been greeted by a surprise deposit left in my front yard while cutting the grass during the summertime.
If disposing of pet waste in your yard is not your thing, some places around the country have private pet waste disposal services available that will take care of it for you for a fee. In all instances, please address the waste left behind by your pet(s), because you local water quality and general community health may depend on it. For all of us pet owners, taking responsible action is part of our civic “doody.”